Meditating In A Church

Rome in the summer is heat and tourists. The crowds are always too much for me and I don’t shop. My favorite thing to do is simply sit in churches, breathing, meditating. Most people enter the churches with their cameras, meaning their phones, they shuffle around, snap a couple of photos of the stained glass and leave. Others approach the image of Jesus and make the sign of the cross, perhaps kneel. Occasionally, a person places two hands together and prays for several minutes. For the first few moments I notice these things, then they disappear as my eyes close. I focus on my breath, but often my mind wanders and i become someone else, perhaps a parishioner from the 18th century, or perhaps it is easter mass 1946, just after the war, i imagine myself in time, of time, back in time, the musty air speaks to me. This traveling can last 50 minutes, maybe longer, i’m there, but i’m not there, like the shoes moving around me, they exist, but only when i open my eyes. This has become my Roman ritual, the highlight of my summer vacation day. After almost an hour, i open my eyes, bow my head, silently pray, walk back out into the ancient Italian piazza sun.

Mosquito Bite No More

somehow mosquitoes know how to bite without being seen, back of the arm, an ankle, they love me and i love them back, sort of. let me explain. mosquitoes mean summer, they mean i’m outside, maybe by a sea, a pool, a river, a lake, or somewhere at night, under the moon, or stars, and i’m not paying attention to their fluttering about, their quest for blood, because at the moment they bite me, i don’t care. but then there is that sweet itch, the phantom slap, as if they were still sucking. a few minutes later i forget the bite, and rejoin the happenings of july or august. the next day i might itch the bite, or near the bite, contemplate how far the swelling has spread over skin, this can be tormenting and enthralling. sometimes i rub it with hydrocortisone cream, sometimes i drown it in scalding water so it itches even more. it is my souvenir, my summer tattoo. a couple days go by and the redness diameter is less, the scratching urge disappears. another day or two and i search and search for where it once was, but like time, it is gone.

Remembering Sinéad O’Connor

piercing voice of a banshee, perhaps she already knew an early death was coming, her force pulsating from the stereo of my friend heather’s volkswagen bug, top down, summer night and we are all soaked, wrapped in wet towels, late night lake swim, virginia full moon overhead and sinéaid’s lyrics surround us, i don’t know no shame, i feel no pain, a moment captured by a song, o’connor held us with her on that june drive, a small slice of my life, may her spirit live ar feadh na sioraiochta

When Capri Spoke

i have seen the goats nibbling on me, and the tan skin glistening with mediterranean sea that surrounds me, i grow perfect red and orange tomatoes, green arugula, and lemons, never to be forgotten, my sun is famous, kids even drink it with a straw, i’ve changed since the roman days when tiberius used to throw unfortunates from my steep rocky cliffs, now yachts undulate near my shores, celebrities film me with their phones, visit me in july and august, i am the mastic trees, bougainvilla, the bees, and cicadas, i am shady pathways through woods, and luxury hotels, i am the smell of grilled octopus and aperol spritz, summer in the square, i hear it all, dutch, spanish, italian, german, english, arabic, french, tamil, russian, swedish, i am the world on an island, but when winter comes i hibernate like a bear, rain, fog, and wind engulf me, daylight disappears in the afternoon, the caprese families stay on me, i hear their children, watch them walk to church on sundays, they slumber softly at night, i bless them all.

What is Good?

suffering, the buddhists say, because then we can accept what is, rather than grasping for what is not, gelato in late july, saying thank you and meaning it, crisp sparkling water, watching john travolta in grease, mother teresa, love, being of service, apologizing, peaches in early august, dusk, snow on pine trees, cold lake water, dancing to miriam makeba, sitting silently in a church, being grateful, making a snow angel, dreaming you can fly, deciding to be happy

Teenager After Airplane Flight

Don’t call it madness, there is a method, a way to best reconnect with my…..phone. Snapchat photos must be sent to dozens and dozens of people, this proves that i’m alive and have a face, or half a face, depending on my mood. Next, i check snapmaps, see who is alone, who is with others, who is traveling and where. 10 people in one place means a party i wasn’t invited to. That kid is in paris, i’ve never been, jealous, oh well, i will be in greece soon and then they will be jealous, karma. I don’t really know what karma means. Next, birthday wishes via snap messages, shows i care, although, if 80% of the people i snap with showed up at my house i wouldn’t know what to say, i mean, we are friends, sort of. Snapchat update complete, insta time: scroll, photos, videos, pause, beautiful dress, nice nail polish, that cat is so cute, like, like, like. If there is time maybe some tiktok, if not, back to snapchat, repeat, repeat, repeat.

Doo Wop

sing me on street corners under glowing lampposts, harmonizing vocals, black, white, race is no matter, sweet sound knows no color. sing me in philly, in brooklyn, in baltimore, i am your love, your longing, your heartbreak and your joy. a cappella, alive on 45’s and chevy stereos, cruising, because there’s a moon out tonight and life could be a dream. never-ending youth, ephemeral song. doo wop has died, but the music lives on.

Disabled

spondylolisthesis, 4 to 6% of the adult population have it, including me, i want to tell it that i was a once a runner, on trails, on hills, even won a race-in my age category, and don’t forget the hikes, everywhere, usually no less than 10 miles at a time, but it doesn’t care, it likes that i’m 50 and more vulnerable now, i assume that it wants to take over my spine, degenerate me day by day, and there we go, my mindfulness in freefall, pessimism taking over one breath at a time, i thought meditation was preparation for age and lack of movement, but eight hours lying on one’s back on a rug can crush the unenlightened, but to quote frou frou, there’s beauty in the breakdown, going on 13 weeks and yes, more patient, yes, more empathetic, yes, i’m here writing more, so i can’t walk for more than 8 minutes at a time, but i can be a better human being, i’m trying…

Barbie

proportions have been measured, false construct, loved by all, hated by many, icon of what was and will never be, songs sell her, pop is her culture, warhol and gerwig, paint and project her, money made her, throw her away and she comes back, plastic american boomerang, life after death, like monroe, immortal it seems, a dream and a nightmare.

I Am Your Hammer

you have heard the stories about maxwell, john henry, i have killed, driven steel, been a tool of justice, like peter, paul & mary said, some might refer to me as gavel, calling court to session, nails fear me, when i was hank aaron i made pitchers nervous, i show strength at carnivals, i sometimes miss making thumbs change color, you need me for tents to stay grounded, i help penetrate the earth, thor is nothing without me, throw me, hold me, pound me, love me, i am your hammer.